You're considering making the pledge. What's holding you back? Or you've made the pledge already and are a little nervous about following through on your commitment. Well, don't worry. Here are are some pants-peeing possibilites just for you.
Send your own methods to bernie@PeeYourPantsForTheBrewers.com with the subject "Methods."
Shy Guy: If you are shy about the Brewers clinching and wetting yourself, maybe you should do it at home. Right after the game, calmly and triumphantly walk into your backyard. Pretend you're looking at the stars and your neighbors won't know what's going on. You'll probably enjoy it a lot more than you thought. The warmth will be nice on the cool September evening. You can quickly clean up afterwards.
Milwaukee Time: Head down to the nearest watering hole with some buddies. Drink as much Miller Lite or PBR until you have no chance but to pee your pants. Don't change your pants. Go out for an awesome night.
Most Honorable Way: Hopefully the Brewers will clinch their first playoff spot in 24 years with a win at Miller Park. Go the Park with some of your bestest friends and pee your pants at the moment we officially clinch. If we can get a 1000 or so fans at Miller Park to do this simultaneously it would be the world's largest collective pants-peeing party since Mount Sinai's 10 buses were late picking up all the players from Seniors Night at Potawatomi Bingo.
Unacceptable Method: Wearing a swimsuit and peeing in that and then jumping in a pool or lake right away. That does not count.
Closet Cardinals Fan: Inject yourself with steroids so you can pee longer and farther than anyone else.
Closet Yankees Fan: Buying pre-peed pants in Soho.
Closet Cubs Fan #1: Fail to pee your pants this year, but promise that next
year will be the year you finally pee your pants. - David
Closet Cubs Fan #2: Telling everyone how great you are going to be at peeing your pants, failing miserably and then blaming your failure on a goat. - Andrew
Anonymous Guy: You love the Brewers and can't believe they're actually doing it this year. You want to be part of the PYPFTB community, but are worried about public joining the pants-peeing party for some personal reasons (maybe job, maybe girlfriend). Here, Brewers Mike wears a paper bag likeness and can pee in the comfort of anonymity.
Converting Others (Experts Only): While at the stalls, skillfully angle your stream towards the guy at the urinal next to you. Slowly release so that it gently grazes the unsuspecting man's pants and soaks down his pant leg. This is where it gets tricky. If the man notices it and is angry, you must pinch and flee the scene. If the man does not notice, you must calmly re-aim and finish as if nothing has happened. An important step in this method is to skip the handwash (simple rinse not even tolerated). The reason is that you must beat the man out of the bathroom and join your group of friends. When the man comes out of the bathroom, you and your friends should chant "Pee Your Pants For The Brewers!" over and over as all of you pee your pants. The man will be embarassed at first, but when he sees that the others have peed their pants, he will become excited and join in the chant. Congratulations- this is when it is safe to chest bump with the man since you converted him. - Mike GComments (412)
J.J. Hardy Throw to First: Pee a frozen rope. - Lucky in Monterey
Mile-High: Go to Colorado and watch Brewers clinch at Coors Field. Pee 7% farther. Could be difficult as the Brew Crew would have to clinch the playoffs in our August 6-8 series there. - Lucky in Monterey
Stage Fright: When the Brew Crew clinches and the spotlight's trained on you, will you be able to perform? Many people (like me) suffer from stage fright. We wait for the stalls after a movie or concert when there are long lines rather than feel hundreds of hungry eyes waiting for you to finish. For whatever reason, there is too much pressure. One PYPFTB member even claims " it is pretty much impossible to deliberately pee your pants. You're conditioned by 25 years of holding it in and resisting peeing your pants." Trying the "Shy Guy" or "Anonymous Guy" might help. But in the most extreme cases of stage fright potential solutions are a gray area. Peter suggests procuring a bottle of pee before leaving the house (soda bottle for example). Aattach a tube to the top and run into trouser leg. Should the time come and the old chap is a little nervous to perform- squeeze bottle! Jason F rightly condemns the whizzinator and other foiled NFL techniques.Comments (1177)